Thursday, April 15, 2010

Happy People Smile

I'll let you in on a secret. I started blogging almost two years ago, and it was a huge #FAIL.

I think, like is always the case in life, timing is everything. When I go back and read those posts I see a different family. A scared mom putting on a happy face, a lost little boy trying to make sense of his world, a marriage in trouble, and a baby whose infancy was rushed just so his neurotic mother could "start seeing some milestones." Ouch. Not the prettiest picture. I thought I was holding it all together. Little did I know when I wrote the last post of that blog that my "breaking point" was just days away.

So here goes ... this is the last post of my first blog. The post that forced me to really look at the state of my family and finally seek out some counseling and get my life (and head) in order. In a way, it's the best thing I've ever done. You might think a concerned friend pulled me aside and asked "how are you coping?" or a family member gently suggested I speak with someone ... but no. When I look back, I realize it was all about this last post. Pretty amazing. Here goes ....

"So today was 'one of those days' ... I was feeling down, ... overwhelmed with life and underwhelmed with motivation. The weather was dreary, I was drearier ... you get the picture. I must have sighed loud enough to disturb LM from lining up his toys (another blog for another day) and this is how our conversation went ...

LM: "Mommy sad."

Me: "No, Little Man. Mommy's happy. Mommy's always happy when I'm with my boys."

LM: "Happy people smile Mommy."

Me: Wow. Just Wow.

So there you have it. Take it from a 3 year old with extensive social skill training. Happy People Smile."

And there you have it. Diagnosed with depression by my autistic toddler. There's one for the Psych journals, huh?

La La Later ...


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